If you had to make a choice to put your loved one on life support, what would you do? Looking for any advice, I am so scared and do not know how to make the choice.
What do they want? Do they have a living will? This is probably best talked about with them
My loved ones know that I do not wish to be on life support as a last resort.
I would talk with them and see what they want. I personally don’t want life support if I’m not going to come out of it with without any deficits. I’d say they need to put me on a vent to help my lungs heal from something and it’s temporary then that’s one thing. But if I’m going to have to live on it for the rest of my life, I don’t want it. From having family in the medical field who works in the ICU, keeping someone alive via life support or having them resuscitated multiple times is very hard on the body.
I agree and that was what I told my kids as well... No dragging out the end... And they agreed they don't want to see me suffer either
I don't know. That's my honest answer
My mom has a DNR and living will and assigned my sister and I medical power of attorney for my mom...
My Dad had a living will in which he stated he wanted no life support. As his only child they turned to me as I had final say as I also had medical POA on him. As I heard the screams of a daughter, please keep my Daddy alive, I heard my voice telling the Drs to abide by his wishes. I cried, begged God to save him, but 5 days later Dad died. As for me and what I’d want done? To be honest, I don’t know. I want to live. My prayers are with you as you make this decision because it isn’t an easy one.
As a Mom who is battling cancer I am happy that you respected his wishes. I pray my family would do the same.
Lisa Navarro I loved him enough to do what he wanted.
Angela Hannah Bless your heart...!!
My dad said if he might be able to recover within 3 or so days then use life support, but if longer than no. I will do as he asked. I'm glad we had that conversation. I hope you can come to terms either way.
What does the "Loved One" want? This question comes up often and in some ways is a reminder of why were all should have a Living Will or make our choices be known -- even if we are young and healthy. Most States (US) have forms to complete where you can choose form several types of "Life Sustaining" Measures. I think it's best that we all do this when we are young or let our family or health care proxy know our choices. Long before I had Cancer I always knew I would never want to be kept alive on Life Support, unless I was expected to make a full recovery and live a normal life -- if NOT, then I would never want this simply to prolong life -- It's NOT life in my opinion? My heart goes out to everyone -- make your choices now and make them known!!
As soon as my hubby was dx we had our wishes drawn up. It will be hard but he doesnt want to live on life support. I will have to make that decision if the time comes
My husband and I did the same and also shared this information with our children, (both adults).
Lisa Navarro we did as well
It should be discussed with the entire family as long as they are all old enough to understand then there are no arguments when the time comes.
I am stage 4, and plan to make some plans of my own. I have to designate proper people to carry out my wishes. We plan on updating our wills, drafting my wishes for healthcare, living will, etc. These are difficult decisions but one I must make. It will make it easier for my loved ones if I can't make my own wishes known.
My father didn't want to become a "vegetable". My mother would never have accepted to be dependent on other people for everything. We were happy the ambulance people didn't keep trying to revive him as he had his third heart attack in the ambulance, and they knew there would be severe brain damage, had they managed to bring him back. For mom, we asked them to keep her comfortable at all times, but not to try to bring her back if it was her time to go. Had she ever recovered, she would never have been able to return to the house. And she would have been 100% dependent on nurses and staff. For my father, we could just be happy they made that decision for us. It was the right one! For mom... We know we made the right decision - even though it hurt. This reminds me I have to make a Living Will. Like my parents, I would have a very hard time accepting life under those conditions. I believe we have the legal right to end our own lives under certain circumstances here in Quebec now a days. (No worries... I am not a candidate). But I do have a relative with advanced Parkinssons' plus MSA who is now unable to communicate, and is down to 41 kilos. She is a prisoner in her own body with other words. We did have time to talk about this a couple of years ago so I know how she feels. I hope she made it perfectly clear to her husband as well.
Why are you putting them in life support, that's the first question you have to ask yourself, if the loved one has cancer then is life support the best option for them, I think if you can't have the conversation with them, you need to look at what you want to achieve long tem, because personally I would not want to survive on life support if there was no hope for me getting any better, good luck with the options
My mom and dad have arranged a meeting with us kids over Thanksgiving to tell us their wishes for such an outcome for them.
My mother had cancer and they asked her early on what he wishes were and she had told her Dr no life support. It kinda surprised me when I walked in and saw the DNR sign - I asked her about it and she told me she didn’t want any life support. Im a nurse and was glad her Dr took care of that while she was competent and could still make her own decision. In answer to ur question, it would depend on if you knew their wishes then go with that. If not, where are they in their cancer journey? Are there still treatment options? Have they exhausted all options and have no quality of life left? Are you just prolonging their suffering? Answer all those questions and you will have your answer
Quality of life is the decision maker for me. Life support an oxymoron to this.
Well put Deborah Olsen. My father suffered from emphyzema (sp) while my mother died of post polio, so there was no cancer there. But never the less... It is so important, for each and every one of us, to let people know what we want, would we be unfortunate enough to end up in a situation where someone would have to make a decision for us. We can guide them while we still have a voice to do so. We should!
Yes! My mother was in her last days, wouldn’t/couldn’t eat or drink. My sister wanted them to put a feeding tube in. I said absolutely not! Just so she can suffer another week or 2? Its prolonging the inevitable. And IMO it would be cruel to do that to someone.
I agree. Almost 3 years ago, we lost Father in law, husbands best friend, and brother in law within 2 months. BIL had cancer that spread from the gums (twice) to the lungs and then the brain. By then, he had had numerous operations and considered himself disfigured. He knew he would never be able to eat steak again, or to have a glass of Scotch without having close to electric shocks going through his body, so he refused further treatments. He kept himself comfortable through Hospice. We saw him the evening before he passed, and even though we didn't know, we said Good Bye that night. For my FIL the hospital thought he was too old to invest in, so from day one, they asked if we should stop the meds. It took my husband 2 weeks to finally agree. By then, FIL had given up eating, and was asleep 99% of the time. The oxygen levels were extremely low, and there was no hope. He died in his sleep 4 hours after DH gave his consent. Had it been me, I would have said the word sooner, but it wasn't up to me.
My hubby (Glen) & I did his living will, I know he does not want life support except if necessary for family members to arrive (since in another state than them all) before he goes home???? its definitely best to simply ask them but if you can't ask, I personally would not lengthen their stay here, let them go home!
I've been an RN for a long time. There is no easy answer to this question. There are people on ventilators who enjoy their quality of life and there are people on ventilators who suffer terribly. The answer depends on the individual and their illness.
Firstly i am so very sorry you are in a place this is needing to be decided. Its heartbreaking and soul destroying. When my Dad was in hospital last the doctors mentioned this (great timing as my mum had ducked home for a bit and I was alone with him) when presented with that i felt like someone had knocked all the air out of me. I looked at Dad and he said "what do you think baby? I burst into tears for about 10 seconds (uncomfortable for all I am sure). I gathered myself and asked he doctors standing in front of me. The 2 of them belief on my dads case if he went on life support he wouldnt come off again. They said the aim of life support is to get the patient off not continue to have them on it. We discussed it, and Dad ultimately decided No resus and no life support. This kills me but it is his right to choose. So I guess if there is a chance your loved one will come off life support and lead a somewhat normal life after than maybe. Talk to them if you can, if not go with what you know of them. Ask advice from people close to them, doctors. My heart is with you, this is devastating. Xo
Exactly. Have you discussed this with them? It's what they'd want. Me personally I wouldn't want it and don't think it's fair to prolong the pain just to keep them here longer. Let me go and be free of pain.
Me either. Having had to do CPR on a cancer pt i wouldnt wish that on anybody. If it was me id say no rescuscitation.
I have lung cancer myself and I've made it clear. Let me go.
It’s really up to them and what they want. I’m sorry you need to be addressing this issue.
Everyone and i mean everyone should have a signed health care directive. Its your voice when you no longer have one.
lisa, I hope this helps..... I have lung cancer and think it would be totally cruel if someone put me on life support.
Well depend what the person want. Does she have a living will?
My dad has made me in charge of his medical Decisions from day 1. When he was in his end stages in ICU, doctor had asked me if I want to put him in life support. I discussed with his doctor if it would do dad any good. Would he recover? Then I chose not to put him in vent. It's better to go when it's time, than to drag it .
What do they want or can they not tell you? No living Will? Then you have decide? Well... No one wants to be in your position but... Life support is just that... Life support... Would you want to live the rest of your remaining life on life support? Is it our place to not allow God to take someone home if it is their time? Hope this didn't sound too heartless... Not meant to...
I have Lung cancer and would NOT want my life prolonged for me to suffer more... I do have a living will... İf I can't live my life without support... İt's time to go... Quality if life is a biggie in my eyes.
Quality of life would be a deciding factor if I had to make that decision. Personally, I wouldn't want it.
Can your loved one specify his wishes? It's so very difficult to decide for another.
My mom has made her wishes perfectly clear, so it takes the decision out of my hands. Honestly I don't know what I would do, or if I could make the call if I had to.
my wife and I decided years ago and we both have DNR's unless there is a great possibility I will come out of it
My fiance did not want to be on life surport and she made that clear but quickly passed anyway.
No life support for me, iv got cancer, iv told my kids if it comes down to life support, I don’t want it
None for me and everyone knows.
My husband didn't want to be in life support cause he made peace with God and wanted to be home and be around his family and kids it was the hardest decisions we had to make but that was his choice to him it was just prolonging the pain and sickness.
I was so saddened but happy that my hubby has opted for no life support. He has fought this battle for 18 months now, alergic to all the different chemos. He was in the hospital for 7 days with congestive heart failure and found out the chomo has his heart working at only 25 percent. He is end stage and its just day by day ... I am devistated
I made sure after dx of Cancer that everything was up to date, living will. No life support for me
I put a time on mine.. 5 days. I already coded once in July and had respiratory failure twice. I'm still doing good at first I had a dnr.. Then changed it.. İ thank God I did...
5 days with NO improvement, if there is improvement it's day by day no more than 14 days.
As a lot of people have said it’s always best to get the persons wishes so u know before hand. My mum and I spoke st length about it. In the end she had pneumonia and they could have tried to treat her with antibiotics and incubation but there was no guarantee it would save her and it certainly wasn’t going to change her quality of life which was very very poor. So I made the decision to put her on an end of life pathway and she passed a few hours later. It was a relief and as the pal care dr once said death is not necessarily the worst thing. Very hard decisions x
Thank you for sharing your story, it is exactly what I went through. My dad passed last night and I am having a hard time. Is there any way we can talk?
Gosh I am so sorry hun. Feel free to private message me. I’m no expert. I have bad days and I miss my mum so so much. Today I’m having an especially bad day
So very sorry for your loss, I have been thinking if you and your Mum, but did not know she passed. I know you took Wonderful care of her, she was lucky you have you ... My heartfelt sympathy
Thank you lovely. Yes 9 weeks ago now. Pneumonia was what took her but as her pall care dr said sometimes death isn’t the worst thing. At the end I could agree with that. She had to be moved to a nursing home and that’s what she always never wanted. I couldn’t bring her home as the cancer attacked her knees and she was bed bound and delirious from pain meds etc. İt was devastating. Now she is at peace and no longer suffering but god I miss her. So so much. Which is why I haven’t been very active on these groups lately. Always thinking of the lovely people I met along the way though but I’m just popping in when I feel I can contribute and help
Myhusband has a Living Will but I also know his wishes.
I had this conversation with my ex husband. Our son, age 36 is his next of kin, but I wanted to know what he wanted so I could heip them both should the situation arise. It is never an easy conversation to start, but are both on our own it was an important one. I know his wishes and he knows mine.